I Probably Take The Future Wayyy Too Seriously and That’s Okay.
It’s currently 11:25pm, 12th November 2022, a gloomy dull Saturday night. If you know me or read my previous articles, you’d know that I ain’t a go out on Saturday night kinda guy, although sometimes I do wish I was as extroverted to be that, but I’m a more relax with a small crowd, have a few drinks, amongst other things, kind of person. I’ve not written an article for the longest time, a year or more maybe for a variety of reasons. Haven’t had the motivation or flow to actually write, imposter syndrome, heads been wrapped up with other stuff (both important and stupid, both relevant and irrelevant). Truth is, I have a podcast version of this article, broken down to multiple episodes, but for the sake of writing competency and in the hopes of empathising with some of you’ll who may need to hear this, this article is the way to go.
First off, if I may ask, How are you? How’s life been? Things have not been the best here in Sri Lanka for us (no need to recap that), but wherever you are, hope everything’s well. You could say that I write this article over a series of thoughts that has been in my mind for 6 months or more. Thoughts which leave me with questions such as “What do I need to change?” , “What needs to be done?” , “Are you taking too much time being indecisive?” and a hundred more other questions.
Where did this cycle of thought start? I wouldn’t really be able to put a finger on it stating the trigger, but I’m a thinker, maybe even an over-thinker. I say maybe because most of the people that call people over-thinkers are people who don’t think at all. But yes, I’m a “thinker”, I will have my days where I go through life not worrying or muting the question my mind has about what the future has in store for me, and have days (which is most of them) where I’m always in thought about where I am in life now and whether my present is shaping me for the future I always pictured myself having.
Then comes more questions, “have I been unconsciously losing myself or am I just growing?” or “Am I aligning myself with the values I told myself years ago when I was starting out and if those values are changing, are they changing for the better?” , “Did I lose my way and just lost sight of it or is it the path that will help me grow?” My mind really is something, ain’t it? I’ll be honest, I’ve had trouble accepting that this is how my mind works because it resulted in bursty relationships, withdrawal (ask my friend Tashya, witnessed quite a few withdrawals) and a removal of a lot of stupid people in my life, not to sound arrogant, but some of them are still stupid, so no regrets. But I’ve learnt to really accept that this is how I am and connecting the dots backwards, it has really worked well for me. Formed strong meaningful relationships, reduced bullshit (to some extent, at least), did good professionally, learnt when there was no choice but to learn and many more, but there comes a time when your gut and mind keeps telling you, something needs to change in order to shape the future you pictured yourself having.
It takes me back to the time where my ex said something which really struck me,
“take the random days where you look at your life, who/what you’re becoming and take those days seriously. Very very seriously and prepare yourself to be bold”
I remember asking her, “what if it’s just thoughts in my head?” And she followed up with the statement “The longer it is in your mind, the closer you get to accepting that this is what needs to be done”. That’s some ex girlfriend, ain’t she? Not a lot of people can read me, but damn, that lady still can.
So yes, it’s been a whirlwind of thoughts, questions, timing and a lot of time spent on self reflection over the last 6 months or more, thinking what changes need to be done, if they need to be done and I’m here to share with you, the thoughts that gave me answers to the questions that I had, at least a little bit. Enjoy!
- Wishful thinking needs to be thrown out the window.
Been guilty of this a lot and still guilty of it sometimes. Wishful thinking is a totally normal thing as a human being but it’s not evidence based. it’s just you imagining things without any fact/evidence to support it and there comes a point where you get kinda tired of wishful thinking.
2. The more you think about it, the more you know it needs to be done.
No need of any explanation. Sums it perfectly.
3. Spend time looking back on yourself and ask yourself “are you happy with where you are or who you’re becoming?”
- My perspective, you wouldn’t be asking yourself the above question if the answer was “yes”. You’ll start to identify the changes you need to make, it could be your circle, your environment, anything that plays a role in who you are as a person.
4. Independent thinking and then counsel.
- Whatever it is that needs to get done or happen, wrap it around your head first. Figure it out in your own head, then reach for counsel from the closest people who know you and understand you, and then only if really needed, reach out to others who have been in similar scenarios. Never make the mistake of sharing (unless necessary) with people who are not in your circle of counsel.
5. It comes to a point where you have no choice but to be bold.
- No explanation needed, I’ll let your own thoughts drive perspective into this.
One final thought, I know I may have listed down the 5 above like it’s some magical formula but the truth is, that you are probably well aware of it. Sometimes we just need to be reminded by someone else and feel relaxed and comforted by the fact that there are others in similar situations.
If you resonate with what I’ve spoken about this article, maybe you can add some pointers into this as well. I’d love that and I really hope you’ve been able to do what needs to be done in regards to this.
Much Love,
Azfar
